Why?

I am sure many of you wonder why I have decided to go back and re-do my entire blog. The biggest answer: regret because of fear. My close friends and family have told me to share my story for a while now, feeling that if I do so, it will be a source of help, guidance and comfort to many. I am VERY hesitant to open up to others so I have held back sharing much more than a picture caption since I started my blog, keeping my emotions and the real story to myself. Another reason is a little more selfish but I also want the keepsake it could be for Ben, myself and our posterity.

Going back and catching up from 5 years ago is quite a project right now. I am anxious to get it all caught up so I can be writing in real time again and have a goal of being able to do so by our 5 year wedding anniversary in June. I thought it would make a nice gift for Ben and I and hopefully our posterity. I want people to know who Ben and I truly were and are and I want our experiences to help others through their paths in their own lives. By so doing I feel that our life will be enriched and our legacy will carry on. I am SO grateful I write in my journal once a week (and have done so for years now) so I can look to that to help me be able to perfectly depict the feelings, emotions and thoughts that have followed Ben and I in our experiences through the years. I just know there is no way I would remember all of the treasured details to truly bring to life the memories without it.

Ben and I have been through so much (as our close family and friends know) and I just thought that sharing our many experiences could help others relate to and get through challenges they are facing in their own lives. After all, the only benefit of going through hard times (besides the growth of course) is being able to not only sympathize with others, but truly empathize. There is a great power and gift in being able to do that for someone. In a very big way, it makes going through the struggles worth it and turns times of weakness into cherished tales of strength.

Ben and I have been blessed with SO much in our life and we are so grateful for that-the Gospel, being sealed as a family forever, loving and supportive friends and family, our temporal as well as our spiritual needs being met, a beautiful home, our wonderful and happy son, Jayden, adventure, fun and laughter, and the many many others. We also realize that much of that is thanks to that little bit of hard we all go through from time to time. Those trials are what lead to our blessings and happiness at the end of the road as they help us grow and develop into our best selves. Much like that piece of coal which after much pressure and time, does indeed become that radiant diamond, or the caterpillar that just as it thinks it is all ending, turns into a butterfly- or the darkness you think you will never see the end of, only to be met with a beautiful and hopeful sunrise. It is such a blessing to know that we have a loving Father in Heaven who not only sent his Son to earth to die for us, but that he has also given us an atonement through Christ’s sacrifice that not only does that help us overcome sin, but it helps us to overcome pain and sorrow as well-a part of the atonement I think can be much harder to remember and embrace. What a comfort to know we all have a friend in our elder brother who has already taken on our fear and pain so he could help us to overcome it. We all have our own battles in life that seem overwhelming and impossible at times-I know because many of those same emotions of hopelessness and defeat have consumed so much of my own life-especially that past couple years, and although I am still waiting for much of it to let up and get better, I have faith that if I endure and do everything I can to live in a way that invites the spirit into my life while I serve and help others it will come when it is best for me and may family and happiness will be all the more rich.

I love the picture by Greg Olsen (below). It reminds me of how we are always going to be taken care for by our Savior just as we should nurture and take care of one another. I have been very cared for in my life and this blog is my way of paying-it-forward.

Although right now it is a bit overwhelming and time-consuming (especially with being a full-time mommy, student, and homemaker), I know that the final result will be well worth my time, energy and sacrifice. I hope you all enjoy the posts and don’t get too overwhelmed with how frequent they are as I get all caught up.

I would like to end with a post from my old blog and so many of you have probably already seen it, but I wanted to post it again here, because it sums up so very much of what I am feeling now and the main purpose behind this blog. Sadly, I did post this months ago and am finally beginning it, but I guess you could just see it as a New Year’s Resolution of sorts, and I think starting over with an all new blog is going to be best. Really wish I had started this years ago, but life is all about living and learning, right?

Cheers to the beginning of a new blogging experience! As of today, I have decided it is time to be brave and am turning our blog into my journal&scrapbook rather than just the scrapbook with captions you all knew before. :) I have not done this in the past because I keep a personal journal separate from my blog due to wanting to keep my thoughts and feelings more private, but the more I think about it, the more I want to reach out and share not just the facts and photos of our life together, but the emotion and meaning as well. :) I am pretty excited about this new adventure/ambition of mine! I hope it is still a site and a blog you all enjoy. :) There will be less pictures and more words, but that is what a blog is meant to be after all...I guess I am finally joining the ranks! ;)

I would like to start this new direction of my blog with this beautiful picture. I took this picture the other night while stopped at a red light with a little more than I care to have on my mind in the category of the unknown as well as the hard emotions weighing on my heart in life right now. For me, it really seemed to be my Father in Heaven telling and teaching his little girl to "stop", let go of the hurt, fear, sorrow and doubt and embrace the light of love, courage, joy and hope.

This beautiful moment that captured the world Heavenly Father has created for us, reminded me of how no matter how dark the clouds of life may seem...there is always light. In a way the darkness and the clouds, with light, can make the whole picture even more breath-taking than if there were no clouds at all. You just have to look for the light, focus on the light and embrace the light...for that is where true courage, strength, beauty, peace, joy, faith and love truly are.