It’s times like this that I am SO glad I have my journal to resort to, because I really don’t think I could remember every moment of this special day in our lives without it. The 15th started out like any other day had been those last 6 weeks of pregnancy with contractions. They felt a bit stronger this particular morning, but with all the contractions I had been having, I brushed it off as being the usual worthless pain like other days. The good news was my Mom was coming to visit and give me a foot zone, so at least I would have something to take my mind off the discomfort. She arrived just in time for us to go to my weekly check-up. We picked Ben up on the way. Ben and I went back and were back to the usual well, you are definitely having contractions, but you are still only dilated to a 2 and 75% effaced. Joyous! He stripped my membranes for a second time. Ben joked about how I should just stay there since Jayden was coming today, but the doctor just laughed and told me he would not be surprised if it was a week or two yet. Kill me, I thought, but I was glad Jayden was staying in so he would have the best chance of being as strong and healthy as possible.
After the appointment we dropped Ben back off at work, and I took my Mom to La Cocina so she could see why Ben and I made such a big deal of how good it was. It was SO yummy and hit the spot as always (the spicy-ness obviously did its job). She could not help but notice the discomfort I felt every 5 minutes and kept telling me that she thought I was in labor. If only she knew what my life had been like and just how normal this pain was. I brushed it off and told her it was probably nothing and we continued about our day. When we got home she gave me my foot zone. These things are incredible! If you have never had one, I highly recommend one! I usually really enjoy them, but it was about halfway through my foot zone that things started getting pretty uncomfortable. Lucky for me, my Mom knew a little trick with a pressure point to relieve the pressure and pain. This pain was now coming about 2 minutes apart. She finished the zone 5 minutes before Ben got home and she insisted that he take me to the hospital. I was not due for another week, and was only 38 weeks and 5 days along, but luckily I had everything packed and ready to go weeks before due to the contractions I had been having.
On the way to the hospital, I remember it feeling so surreal. We were stuck in rush hour traffic right where I-215 meets I-15, and it gets really congested. I kept going from being between contractions and telling Ben that it was probably nothing and we should just go home, to being in the middle of a contraction and yelling at telling Ben to get me to the hospital stat and getting quite upset about all the traffic, with the frustration that came with the pain. Ben did not laugh then…which was VERY smart of him, but boy do we ever laugh about it now! We got to the hospital (which luckily we had already pre-registered for), and I went up to the counter while in between contractions to tell them I was in labor. It felt so weird to say that while feeling completely normal and pain-free. I started saying well, maybe it is just false labor. It was right at that moment that the strongest contraction yet hit and I doubled over with the sharpness of the pain. “We had better get you to your room”, she said while smiling at me and shaking her head.
Before and after the epidural
As soon as we were in our room, I did the whole awkward dress down to a robe (that practically is just a nice picture frame for your rear end, if you ask me) and peed in the cup, had my blood pressure taken and all that jazz. Have I mentioned I really, really hate anything medically related like hospitals, doctors, nurses and such-because I do, and thus having a baby had always been my worst fear growing up. Silly, I know. They hooked me up to the machine that shows your contractions and they told me they were a minute apart and strong, but nothing was progressing! Grrr! They told me they would monitor it for a bit, but then probably just send me home. I started crying. I was barely managing the ones that were 5 minutes apart the last while. How was I going to function with them coming a minute apart?! Not to mention, when would I know to come back in because I was already showing all the signs, other than my water breaking, that is. I felt hopeless. I wanted to do what was best for my baby, but I did not want to keep living like this!
My doctor was there doing an emergency c-section, and was able to come in right before they were about to send me home. He took one look at me and I knew he understood what I must be going through. He checked and told me nothing had progressed but this baby was coming today. He assured me that Jayden was healthy and it would be okay if I had him now, then asked if I wanted him to break my water and get things started. This was not necessarily my birth plan, but I learned a while ago that plans often go out the window with life. He broke my water. It was such a strange sensation feeling all that warm water come out of me. I told Ben I felt like I would be 50 pounds lighter afterwards. Right after he broke my water the contractions got even closer together and stronger and my doctor asked me if I would like an epidural. I really wanted to go natural so he sat and talked with me for a bit and after telling me that weeks of suffering painful contractions is ambitious enough and that I could control to dosage (since I still wanted to be able to feel a little bit of what was going on), I decided to go with the epidural.
The anesthesiologist came in just 5 minutes later and gave me the epidural. I was nervous about the needle, but I did not feel a thing! I laid back down on the bed and only felt a few more contractions before they faded off to practically nothing, just a little bit of pressure. The nurse put in the catheter and told me they were going to watch how I progressed and that they would probably need to help things along with some Pitocin. I really did NOT want this stuff in me, so they said they would hold off until necessary. In the meantime I was brought warm towels and Ben got me some lime flavored shaved ice and labor turned into relaxation, and the hospital became a spa and all my fears seemed to subside. I was even able to take a nap and slept for over 2 hours for the first time in weeks! It was heavenly! It all got even better when the nurse came in and woke me to check on me and I had gone from a 2 to a 5 in just two hours without medicine, so she said I would not need the Pitocin. Yay for small victories! The bad news was that Jayden’s heart rate kept dropping. I told Ben to sleep since I was doing okay and he was so tired, but my eyes were glued to that monitor. Every time it would slightly drop I was hollering for the nurses. Moving around a little seemed to help. Luckily I was able to do so since I was not pumping the drugs to the point where I could not feel a thing and was completely immobile. The nurse told me they would do everything they could to take care of Jayden and me and I was able to talk with her for a bit while Ben slept. She really made me feel better. When she had to go, I started calling to Ben who was way across the big room to wake up so he could be with me, where I was feeling a bit anxious about everything that was happening. Jayden’s heart rate finally stabilized and stayed stabilized.
About an hour after I was at a 5, I was dilated to a 10! I always told my doctor that my body had been practicing and when the moment came, we had better all be ready! He just told me this was my first, so it would probably be a while. The nurse could not believe it! She asked if I would like to start pushing, or would just like to sleep a little longer. I opted to sleep a little longer. Might as well get it while I can, right? Before I did, they told me to do a practice push. The second I did, Jayden’s heart rate dropped. My doctor was getting ready to go home for a bit thinking that I would take much longer and was going on over 24 hours of work, so the nurses ran to get him. It was at this moment that Jayden’s heart rate hit an all time low! I was so worried. Four more nurses rushed in and one instructed me to get onto all fours to help Jayden’s heart rate. It was a bit awkward with all these new people around me, but I did not care at the moment. I let go of the medicine control button so I would be able to hold myself up and not be numb, and boy did I become grateful for the epidural in that moment because those contractions were painful!!! Jayden’s heart rate got better, but it got worse for me when that lovely robe or “rear end frame” became even more pointless when it slipped completely off and became a long, awkward necklace hanging from my neck! Can you say awkward and humiliating?! Especially when you can hear that the door is open and the only curtain covering you is sliding back and forth as people rush in and out! Kill me now, I thought. Ben was so worried about Jayden he did not think to cover me. I whisper yelled at him to please get me decent! As soon as he did, and feeling totally awkward, I did the only thing I could think to do-joke about it. “Well, that was awkward!”, I exclaimed. This was followed by a “I better not be the “butt”-end of all the jokes at lunch tomorrow.” They all laughed which eased the tension and were thankfully quick to reassure me that this happened all the time, and that I should not worry about it, because they were just impressed with how much I was willing to go through to ensure my baby was okay. Bless those ladies! I felt SO much better after that. Although I did quickly ask if I could lay back down now that Jayden had stabilized and before the doctor came rushing in to find he was delivering this baby doggy-style. Sorry about the horrible graphic images I have probably inflicted, but hey this is a birth story, so you should have considered yourself warned with the title. The nurses concurred and I was grateful to be laying back down and covered, with hopefully some decency left just in time to have to spread my legs and push. Okay, let’s face it. Birth is definitely not about who is the most lady-like and poised and thank goodness for that!
My doctor arrived a bit later (thank goodness) and told me it was time to start pushing. I knew I needed to make every push count with Jayden’s heart rate dropping each and every time, so Ben helped hold my hand while I gave it everything I had. The doctor was worried I would wear myself out too quickly, but luckily, my hard work paid of and Jayden arrived healthy as could be just a few minutes, 6 pushes, and an unplanned episiotomy later. I tell you, I may not have had the easiest pregnancy, but my easy delivery was such a blessing! I will never forget the doctor smiling and holding my little Jayden up pointing out his cute little cleft. Ben and I fell in love with every little bit of him in that very moment. It became an even happier moment when we were told that Jayden had his palate!!! I cried. I was so full of gratitude that my son would be spared 12-18 surgeries we had been planning on for him. I instructed Ben to stay with our baby while I got stitched up. You know you are in love when you are so focused on someone else you barely notice some guy down south sewing your lady business back together. I thank Jayden for sparing me really thinking about it at that point in time. As soon as the doctor was finished and Jayden passed all his newborn tests with flying colors, I was able to do skin on skin with him. What a special bonding experience! Jayden amazed me and everyone else when he picked his whole head up from off of my chest, and looked from side to side and up and down, before laying his head back down on me with his wide and bright eyes. I knew in that moment that he was very strong and very smart. Every movement and glance filled me with absolutely more wonder that I have never known before. Watching Ben with our son just made everything all the more amazing and special. I knew the second he held our Jayden, that he would be the best Daddy EVER!
Jadyen was born Friday the 16th of September 2011, at 2:35 a.m. He weighed 6 pounds 1 ounce and measured at 19 1/2 inches. With how long his little feet were, the nurses thought he would be much taller. He has stayed in the 90th percentile for height since about 2 months old.
Mine and Ben’s first bonding moments with Jayden and boy was that bond ever strong! And just look at our little guy’s strength holding his neck up in the first photo.
Our first family photos!
We were in love and so full of wonder and gratitude for our little miracle. He was SO alert and curious. You could tell the day he was born that he was going to be smart and he is! Even if he is a little too smart sometimes.
Jayden’s first bath. He actually liked it for the most part and went right to sleep the second it was over.
Several family and friends visited us in the hospital. Ben’s family was first. They got there at 7 a.m. a whopping 3 hours after I got to my room. Considering I had spent those few hours just watching my boys sleep because I was too excited to sleep, I did not get much sleep for a couple days. Ben’s brother Matt and his wife Julie, came to say hi that morning as well. We all had a nice visit as we “ooed” and “awed” over Jayden’s cuteness. My friend Kyle Bybee came later that afternoon, my parent’s came that evening (my Mom even gave Jayden his first foot zone), and my friend DeNeige Hess came later that night. It was so fun to get to share our joy and happiness with loved ones.
Jayden even got to have a little skin on skin time with Daddy and for his first week home, this was the only place he wanted to sleep. Can you blame him?
That night was rough between the really mean nursing specialist trying to get my poor baby to nurse with his cleft making it difficult impossible to latch on (We did not like her one bit!), and then my check-ups, they were coming in every half hour through the night. Like you can even fall asleep before having them wake you up again. The rest of the staff was wonderful though, so lets just focus on that. Upon seeing how exhausted I was after administering vaccines and the huge and lovely Rh Factor shot, the nurse took Jayden for a couple hours to try a cleft-nippled bottle with some formula and let me sleep for a couple hours I really could not sleep with all the nursing anxiety I was having, so I just had her bring him back. Nursing is a very touchy subject with me since Jayden would try and try, and cry and cry until he would exhaust himself and fall asleep without getting anything! I never got the experience of having the peaceful baby nursing while the two of you bonded, but that is okay. This was my baby and although he had some special challenges, I was determined to work through them with him every step of the way no matter what. 2 weeks after he was born he was still losing weight and I was worried to the point of absolute tears, with Jayden’s old pediatrician (we did not like him either) just telling me we were too lazy after our entire lives for 3 weeks were spent trying to nurse. My exasperated response to this doctor was that once he had a cleft lip and breasts for that matter, we would talk. That ended that. I ended up pumping and using the expensive cleft bottles for 3 months, before I just could not take that any longer and my supply was not keeping up with Jayden. So, I slowly switched to the “much-looked-down-upon-formula”. Feel free to judge me, at this point I am used to it. Even when I was pumping and giving him breast milk in a bottle, I got scolded for not breast-feeding him. Can’t please em’ all, so just do what it best for you and your baby. That is my two cents on the subject.
The morning of the 17th, Jayden and I were given the okay to leave. They told me we were covered with insurance to stay another day, but you know me and hospitals-I was ready to leave. I was ready for it to be just me and my family at home at this point. We had a few more visitors including My doctor-Dr. Hansen, our good friends Ben and Camille Hatch and Camille’s Mom, as well as our neighbors Shirleen and Lexi.
We were so excited to take him home! Ben got him all dressed and ready in the special outfit we had bought together when I was 6 months pregnant, and then he packed the car up while I cuddled our sweet baby. I could not help but feel excited as I pictured how amazing our life would be now that Jayen was a part of it.
The best part was bringing him home and officially starting our lives together!
