January held up its end as far as expectations go and came with many new beginnings! Including a new year, new bangs (I know I really can’t pull them off, but was a little less than clear when I told my mom how I would like them cut-luckily they grew out fast), new adventures, new décor for the apartment-including new paint, facing some new hard times together, and finding out our life was about to change forever with finding out we were pregnant and our life as parents was beginning.
In this blog I focus a lot on the fun, exciting, romantic and happy side of mine and Ben’s life and marriage, and don’t get me wrong those sweet, tender, happy and exciting moments flood our marriage (I am one lucky girl!), but I think it is important to acknowledge that marriage, much like life is not always perfect. I told you I wanted to not just “surface blog” anymore, but really carry you through the emotion that has followed us through our life as well. Mountains and valleys are a part of life, folks. It is these imperfections in life and in our relationships that can either make or break us, depending on how we choose to react to them. I have no intention of sharing details of the things Ben and I were facing at this time, but what I really want communicated and remembered about this post is that it is okay. It is okay to not be perfect. We all have those moments in life and in our relationships that are trying and hard, and overcoming them can be even more trying and hard, but your reward lies in what you choose to fight for, and how you choose to sacrifice to obtain that you seek. Marriage is no different. Men and women are different and it takes a LOT of effort, patience, love, and sacrifice to make things work and that is okay! The important thing, is that you are willing to do just that-put effort into it. A LOT of effort! Ben and I find things go a lot better when we put each other first and try to see where the other person is coming from before making our own personal points known. Another huge aspect is making the Lord a part of our relationship to give us and our marriage that added strength.
I want to also point out here that there are circumstances where I think it is also perfectly okay to walk away and start over. Situations may need that at times, and I am so grateful that our struggles were not such struggles and Ben and I did both fight for our marriage. We have become better, stronger and closer because of those struggles and I would not change that for the world. It did take two of us to make that decision and unfortunately in a relationship, you can only decide for yourself and wait for the other person to make theirs. I am lucky Ben fought right alongside me and we have been that way ever since. I would not want anyone to take this post the wrong way and feel judged for walking away, because as I have mentioned I do understand there are circumstances that call for such measures to be taken. All I am saying is stop and think and decide what you really want and need. Past all the anger, and the hurt, and the fear, and make your decision with a clear mind. I would also encourage you to make such decisions with the help of the Lord as well. He is there for you. I have questioned that many times during dark days, but I can promise you-he really, really is, and only wants the absolute best for his children.
So many of us, including myself compare ourselves to others and what they have or what they are. I am probably the worst at this-just ask Ben. Truth be known-we really never know what people face and go through in their life, and should neither judge nor envy them. I can’t tell you how many times I have been venting or emotional, and told Ben how bad I feel because I am so sure I am the only wife on the planet that vents and looses it to her husband at times. I love Ben’s answer to this concern of mine. He always says, “Danae, we don’t know what other relationships are like, and you don’t see how other women are all the time, because everyone has their own private struggles. You are normal. You are wonderful, Danae.” How true is that? Yet, how easy to forget? Some Most times we are our worst critics. The last thing I want is people who read this blog comparing themselves to our “perfect” marriage. We definitely have our moments. I am sure everyone does. Whether due to our own bad choices, or just life’s stressful circumstances, but those dreaded imperfections are what make us better, stronger, happier (in the end-believe it or not), and can (if we let them) help us reach the full potential that God has in store for each and every one of us. How lucky are we to have such a loving Father in Heaven that he would give us hardship, trials and imperfect companions in an imperfect relationship so we can learn and grow together?! Do you think I am crazy? Don’t! Embrace life for what it has to offer, not for what it is-especially when it comes to trials. Looking back on my personal life and my life with Ben, I can tell you that the absolute happiest blessings have come from some of mine and our darkest and hardest days. Jayden and finding out about this pregnancy at this time is a prime example of that and for that, he is a little miracle to us. Our Father in Heaven definitely knows what he is doing and is so mindful of each of us and our needs both for blessings and for growth. I heard a poem in Young Women’s when I was about fourteen that talked about the Lord’s plan in life for us, and how sometimes it may just seem like a mess to us who can’t see the whole picture like he can yet. The poem compared our life to a beautiful tapestry that God is creating, but we are below and can only see the ugly, mess of strings hanging from the bottom, unlike the beautiful, artistic masterpiece the Lord can see from above.
I often think of this poem when faced with struggles and hard times that are hard to make sense of. Don’t hate your life because it has struggles from time to time. Don’t hate your spouse because they have struggles from time to time. Don’t hate yourself because you have struggles from time to time. Don’t hate your marriage because it has some struggles from time to time. That is what life and relationships on this earth are all about. Love those struggles for the opportunity they provide you with to grow and become a closer and better couple, and I absolutely promise you-they WILL!!! Make those weak points your strong points, and really become a team. Ben and I have this saying of it being us against the world, and it feels so good to know I have someone who is willing to take me and my imperfections, and love me and fight through life for and with me anyway. I hope with all my heart to do the same for him.
Satan is trying harder than ever to break up families, which means we have to fight even harder to protect our dear families from his ever-strengthening influence in the world we live in. We must seek out the good, righteous influences that bring our life peace and bring us closer to our Father in Heaven. I would really like to challenge everyone that may be struggling with fear and doubt and frustration in their relationships (whether they may be marriage or otherwise) to let go of those selfish emotions and look outside of yourself, for real joy truly is found through serving and loving others. If we could all do this, can you imagine what kind of world we would create? Can you imagine how happy we would be? “Be the change you wish to see in the world”, and see how far your influence goes. We all have special purposes, gifts and love to give to others. I hope we can all find it in ourselves to embrace that truth. Remember your marriage does not have to be perfect for it to be perfect for you. Your spouse does not have to be perfect to be perfect for you. You do not have to be perfect for you to love you. If you don’t like something in yourself or in your life, do your part to change it and just focus on things improving and getting better, without expecting perfection. It really is okay. “Come what may and LOVE it!”
The flowers Ben got me after one of our rougher days. He has always been very good at putting me, my needs and emotions first. I am a little bit more of a work in progress in that regard. We are definitely different, but really compliment one another. I get him excited and passionate about life, and he helps me keep my excitement and passion in control.
New hair, well bangs anyway.
I-Hop and then sledding with Ben’s brother and his family up the canyon! We went with them once before, back when we were engaged. It is a BLAST!
Afterwards we met at the bottom to grill some hot dogs. It tuckered us right out, but we sure had fun!!!
New décor and paint! Our apartment lets you pick off of a list of three things you can have done to your apartment when you end your first year contract and renew for another year. Our choices were-maid service, carpet cleaning, or an accent wall (teal, brick red, or beige). Since I am already OCD and clean myself just fine, and since we had just cleaned the carpets ourselves, I went with the accent wall and opted for the brick red. It dried so pretty, went so well with all my décor, and definitely did not disappoint! I LOVED it! Funny story about the painting day though. They came a day earlier than they told me and I was on the potty taking a pregnancy test of all things when they knocked and then entered (maintenance always has a key and it would freak me out at times when I could not hear the door and they would just come in). SO awkward! I decided to just pretend I was not home and stayed trapped in the Master Suite until the paint job was complete. So there I sat staring at this stick, wondering if I was pregnant with these random painters in my living room. I did NOT have to wait those talked about “long”three minutes. It was mere seconds before the positive appeared and I let out a loud, surprised squeal!It was both an excited and nervous one due to wanting a baby for so long and not having maternity insurance yet and being worried about being able to afford everything that was happening (we planned to get it and start trying in a couple months, but luckily we were still able to get on Ben’s work’s plan-even if it was still expensive). So much for pretending to not be home. It got even more awkward when I heard a man’s voice calling down the hall asking if I was okay. How awkward!!! I came out and apologized and told them I had just found out I was pregnant and that seemed to clear up any confusion. ;) Needless to say, every time we looked at that beautiful brick red wall we thought of the day we found out we were having our first baby. It was not long after finding out I was pregnant, that Ben let me know he was coming home for a bit! Oh no! I always wanted to plan out some extravagant way of telling him, but there was no way I would be able to hide all my emotion and keep this news to myself. I quickly scrambled, and urged my creative side to cooperate with me. I ended up making a paper trail of notes leading into the room that was intended for our “future child/children” and put the pregnancy test on a note that would tell Ben all about the exciting news (as if the positive pregnancy test was not enough, but these moments call for some pen to paper). Luckily, I had the baby gift I bought for my friend, Camille as a baby gift to use as a prop to make the display a little bit cuter with being in a rush. Ben LOVED it, and I think it turned out okay for busting it out in 13 minutes flat! :)
We were nervous…
…but SO excited!!!
Ben came home with this gift of congratulations for me that night after work, and then took me out on the town for a nice dinner to celebrate the happy news!
Didn’t it look great? I LOVED having some color to go with the rest of my decorating!
The rest of the new décor-new throw pillows for the couch (I LOVE them, and they kind of gave the couch my own personal touch), new rug and vinyl sayings (those of you who know me, know I LOVE them!!!). Can you say retail therapy after all the craziness?
It was definitely a month of beautiful, new beginnings!
“In all of living have much joy and laughter. Life is to be ENJOYED, not just endured.”
-Gordon B. Hinckley
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