We had been looking forward to and dreading this day ever since we found out when I was 20 weeks pregnant that it was coming. We were grateful that he was going to be able to have it fixed, and that we lived in a country and had the money that would allow us to do so for him, but we were not excited about him having to go through it all and be in pain. It was so weird to feel so grateful and yet so sad at the same time. Primary Children’s Hospital is amazing and we will forever be grateful to the kind surgeons, doctors, nurses and staff that made it such a good experience for us and our sweet little baby. It was so personalized and caring and after our experience with doctor’s and specialists, it was definitely a breath of fresh air that made that hard day so much easier. The people that work there are angels!
Waiting was the hardest part. The worry, the stress, the anxiety. It was all just about enough to make a person crazy, but as I looked at those waiting for hours upon hours for their baby’s heart or brain surgery, I made myself be grateful we were only here for a little cleft lip. Ben did what Ben does best when he is tired and stressed and fell asleep (I wish I could do that), but I resorted to what helps me best (other than music),and I wrote the following to get my feelings out and help pass the time on our old blog:
I am sitting in the Primary Children's Hospital waiting room right now, waiting for the call to tell me I can go back and see my sweet angel. I have decided to write since I am flooded with emotion and need a way to vent to keep me from bawling.
The past 4 months have been filled with some of the most amazing days of my life! I am flooded with a new love that only a child can bring. I have learned so much about life and what is truly important from my little Jayden. He has one of the brightest and most beautiful spirits I have ever known. I am so proud to be his mommy. He is mine and Ben's whole world! We could not imagine life without him. I love the first time our eyes met, the first time we touched one another, the first time we smiled at each other and the first time we giggled together.
I love how much Jayden loves others. He truly has a special spiritual gift that will bless the lives of many I am sure, being one of those people myself. I am so honored to get to be his mommy and be with him and love him FOREVER! Nothing is more precious to my heart. He has such a zest about him and loves music, like me. He is even starting to sing and dance when music is playing. I love seeing the same joy music brings me in him. It is fun to share it together.
I love how easy-going he is. He looks like Ben, and has so much of Ben's personality in him, It is fun because I really feel many times like Ben is with me even though he is at work. He has a strength that almost intimidates me, because I feel like he often is there for me, when I should be the one that is there for him.
He loves his Savior and Brother Jesus Christ and always gets so excited when he sees his picture or I speak his name. He has so much charity, the pure love of Christ in him already, it absolutely astounds me. I am so grateful for the blessing of Jayden in my life and all the memories we get to build together for eternity. He is my greatest blessing next to the Gospel and Ben. I am so very blessed and lucky to have all three in my life with a knowledge that they are mine forever.
Not long after I finished writing this, we were told the doctor wanted to speak with us in a private room. This terrified Ben and I. No other parent had been requested like this thus far and those 10 minutes waiting for the doctor dragged on as if they were hours. Were there complications? Was our baby okay? I held back tears and tried to be strong and have faith. Imagine our relief when we were told everything went fine and Jayden was doing great! We just got the amazing surgeon that is personable and likes to take the time to talk with you afterwards.
Then came the next hardest part. Seeing him for the first time all sore and bloody and swollen and sad. The worst part of it was that they only allow one parent back in the post-surgery room. Ben is sweet and lets me go, but boy is it hard to walk in there alone and see our baby like this. I choked back tears as I tried to love and comfort him, and tried to be strong for him. It was so surreal. He did not look like my baby, he did not smell like my baby, his cry was a different cry than I had ever heard, `and he did not act like my baby. It was hard, but I knew it would all be worth it in the end. I was so glad that Ben was able to take time off work to be there with us. Especially when they had to re-do the i.v. in his little foot. It was so sad! We had just gotten him to sleep, just to have to start all over again. I felt so bad! I will never forget how tender and sweet Ben was with our precious son. It was so heartwarming to watch them together.
Jayden loved all the monitors and things to look at in the room.
Ben’s brother Matt and his wife Julie came to visit, and were really nice and stayed with Jayden while Ben and I grabbed some food in the cafeteria downstairs. It was so nice! We brought Jayden’s favorite chair and Ben’s laptop, so Jayden could feel a little more at home and watch his High School Musical. The tears stopped the second the movie began to play and he was glued! It was adorable and I was so glad I thought to bring it.
He did not even break from looking at the screen when the nurses came in to check on him. They all thought he was pretty cute.
My parents came to visit later that nigh,t and I am pretty sure my Mom cried more than I did that day. My dad was so cute with him. They both love him so much! They just have a way with babies. I guess you would have to in order to have ten of your own. It probably has something to do with how much they love them. They even brought Jayden a teddy bear-which he LOVED!
It was a long night between our poor little guy being uncomfortable and our sleeping arrangements. That, combined with the no sleep due to worry the night before made it hard. You can bet your bottom dollar that when they told us we could go home the next morning we were more than a little relieved and excited!
We got pretty creative and put two reclining chairs together for our bed. Looks pretty comfy, eh? ;)
The nurses giving his arms a break from the arm restraints, while still keeping his arms away from his face. The main reason for this picture is the shirt. We had saved it for this day and it is from our good friends Keely and Clark Harper. Trust me this shirt could not be more right!
Boy was it ever good to be home!
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